


Nearly every day

by lyckosyrsan



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Description of symptoms of depression, Established Relationship, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 19:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyckosyrsan/pseuds/lyckosyrsan
Summary: Matteo knows this isn't how he's supposed to feel, not every day at least. He's done some research and it's not surprising what he finds but is it enough? He talks to David about it.





	Nearly every day

**Author's Note:**

> (I haven't written fiction in years and I missed it. Though it was hard enough to write in Swedish and therefore it's even worse in English.)
> 
> I was disappointed that Druck dropped Matteo's MI so I wrote a little something about it.

It had been a lazy Sunday. The guys had been over last night and what started as a carefree board game quickly turned to a tournament and eventually they just _had_ to know who the King of board games was. When they realized they had played long into the night they decided they had to stop and the crown went to Carlos. The losers admitted their defeat, but not before demanding a re-match in the near future. 

David stayed by the door and informed Laura that he would sleep at Matteo’s, and when David entered the bedroom said boy was already asleep. David curled up behind Matteo and fell asleep to his soothing breaths. 

When they woke up the sky was grey and they had stayed in bed and drifted in and out of sleep for a while. When they finally managed to drag themselves up they had spent their day cleaning up from yesterday and put together a meal. Afterwards they retreated back to Matteo’s room. Now Matteo was scrolling through his phone on his bed while David sat on the floor, sketching. They spoke from time to time with each other but most of the time they were surrounded by a comfortable silence that had laid itself over the room. David felt it was fitting for the weather. With the sky gray he thought that it was as if the day also drifted in and out of sleep. Not entirely cloudy but also not sunny.

“I did it as well.” David jumped lightly because of the sudden break of the silence. He took his eyes from his sketchbook and looked up at Matteo.

“You did what as well?” 

“Google my ‘symptoms’”, Matteo pinched the bridge of his nose before he continued. “But I googled about whether or not I was gay”, he puffed out. David burst out laughing. He tried to silence it, but Matteo’s expression looked as it was painful to admit it was all too funny not to laugh at. 

“Yeah? How did that go for you?” David managed to say when he had calmed down a bit. He could see that Matteo had a smile on his lips so he didn’t feel too bad laughing about it.

“Considering that you’re in my room, wearing my shirt and have a toothbrush here I think it went quite good”, Matteo said with a smirk. 

David smiled back at him, but he could see in Matteo’s face that it was something else he wanted to say. This was either a way to ease into the actual topic or Matteo’s way of preparing himself to speak up. Humour has always been his go-to choice when things were difficult. David also knew Matteo would come to the issue at hand when he felt ready to. 

David got up from his place on the floor and approached the bed as Matteo sat up and leaned his back against the wall. David sat down next to him and nudged Matteo lightly with his shoulder. _It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’ll listen if you want to._

He began moving his feet from side to side to the beat of a song he heard on the radio last week and couldn’t get out of his head. They sat together in silence a few minutes before Matteo spoke again.

“I also Googled my other symptoms.” This time there was no hint of funny embarrassment behind his words. “Like, why I feel so tired all the time, or why I can’t bare myself to get up from the bed some days or take a shower and why everything feels impossible. Why I can’t do anything. Just why I’m so shitty”, he said in a defeated voice. 

David’s reflex to assure Matteo that he wasn’t shitty at all nearly kicked in. David wanted to say that Matteo is early morning air by the sea embodied. You wanted to continue to be beside him because the air is never as welcoming as that. Every breath you took felt like the clearest and purest breath you could take. David never wanted to stop breathing that air. 

However, David didn’t want to interrupt Matteo. Matteo could easily dismiss what he actually wanted to say and David couldn’t take that. David knew Matteo has a habit of letting people talk over him or let other people speak for him. Matteo had become better at it, but it was as if there was a veil around Matteo that made him think that his words don’t matter as much as anyone else’s.

“And what did you find out?” David asked instead, because he needed Matteo to keep talking. Always keep talking. 

“That I am pretty shitty.” David shoved his elbow in Matteo’s ribs. _Not funny._ Matteo gave an apologizing smile.

”I found out that I think I need to see someone about it. A doctor or a psychologist or something. I have an appointment on Thursday so I guess I’ll see...”, Matteo let the sentence dissolve in the air. It hurt David to hear Matteo say it like that. As if he had a battle with himself between thinking he needs to get help but at the same time that he doesn’t deserve it. 

“It was really strong of you to make an appointment”, David said. He knew it was one thing to try to figure of what you’re feeling and another to actually make something happen about it. Matteo shrugged and started picking at a loose thread on David’s—well Matteo’s—sweater. 

“Maybe it won’t be anything and it doesn’t matter”, he mumbled. ”I’m probably just whining about nothing.” 

“Hey, it does matter. If it makes you feel the way you feel then it is something. And it’s good that you’re gonna go and see someone about it.” David took Matteo’s hand that was picking at the sweater and intertwined their fingers. “I can come with you if you want to? It can feel daunting to go alone.”

“You don’t have to.”  
”But I want to,” David nearly interrupted Matteo. 

”Thank you,” Matteo said with a small smile. David kissed Matteo’s temple and they leaned closer to each other on the bed. 

There were more to touch upon about this subject, David thought. But this was enough for now. Matteo would go to his appointment and David would accompany him. David will follow Matteo as far as he wants. They’re gonna figure it out together, they have all the time in the world. As long as David can keep taking breaths of the boy that feels like morning air by the sea. 

“So, what exactly did you google about your gayness?” David asked. Matteo groaned and buried his face in the crook of David’s shoulder making David laugh light heartedly.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I didn't know how I wanted to write about it. While the season was on I read ideas people had of how it would be addressed in the series, and then it how it could have been addressed when it was over and I have some ideas on my own, but it turned out to be like this. At least this time¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
